Making the Word in My Image

We should start calling euphemisms by their real name: me-phemisms.

Disguises

I am looking for the best euphemism for euphemism. Prizes will be announced.

You cannot use a synonym, or these:

1. obstacle
2. dildo
3. emasculator
4. cuticle remover
5. dye
6. trompe-oreilles

tautology lost, tautology regained

Verbal lapses Robert Ganz or me really overheard,
and condemn with the strongest possible utmost force:

"I'm only confident of the things I'm sure of."

"I'm currently unavailable to answer the phone right now."

"Replicating identical retail environments again, again and again."

"...complete waste of time sometimes."

"According to the preliminary 2nd draft..."

"I wasn't able to leave until 9:00, and I didn't even get home until after that."

"Each and every item in the store has exactly the same unique feature."