The lapse of luxury

"It is bitter to have loved and lost than never to laugh it off," Bamuall Subtler

Friday, October 20, 2006

Angst, ague, amigos

This is my 3rd day home sick. The symptoms include feeling guilty about not being at work infecting my comrades, capaciously hungry with morning nausea and a gurgly tummy, wanting to sleep all the time but it's difficult to sleep, fatigue, hot/cold flashes and a yoyo libido. Tell me it's my andropause! Though Id like think Ive already been thru that selfish shit.

A herbalist friend would have me soak in the hottest bath with a dollop of chilies and ginger powder. I didnt have the ginger so I added crushed chillies and some cinnamon powder because it smells like it couldnt hurt. It felt great as I soaked listening to severe bedayan gamelan pieces. But now I feel hungover and my bum feels unnaturally hot. (Note: chilies have an alarming effect on delicate tissue... so, now you know).

A would-be friend who disappeared for 2 months knocked on my door and asked to use my phone. He had been through hell and was bringing it back to share with us all. I consoled him gravely; rigor mortis with anxiety. Adding to my anxiety is my work piling up as my body refuses to heal (Heal, boy, heal!), not calling my psychologist cause I'm too anxious to talk about my anxiety, and anxious about avoiding music practice because the social scene makes me anxious.

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